No Death Wish

The willingness to be “crucified with Christ” is nothing like the “death wish” that indicates a pathological condition. It is not the desire to be annihilated, but the desire to live ---to live, that is, as Christ lives. Far from a wish to escape from life, it is in fact the wish to escape into life, from the chained self. It is Christ I want, Christ who fills my life with His glorious vitality, Christ living in me, Christ before me, behind me, beside me. The strongest willing of which my will is capable is to align myself with God, as Christ, in agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, finally aligned Himself with His Father. In doing so ----in willing His Father’s will---- Jesus saved the world. That victory, the “Not I but Christ,” conquers the self and conquers the world.

I do not often feel anything like a conqueror. I am a woman, full of womanly fears and concerns and hopes. But my Fortress is a mighty one, a Helper who prevails, “Amid the flood of mortal ills.” I trust Him, not myself. I live in Him, not in myself. In His name, not mine, I conquer.